A Successful Marriage

I wish I knew the recipe for a successful marriage.   Although I think the recipe is different for every couple, I have been collecting tips and ideas that may be common to all couples.

480304_10151037275888859_59169761_nThey research by Psychologist John Gottman on relationships shows that it’s okay for couples to fight, and that some disagreement can even be healthy.  The key is there must be enough positive interaction to outweigh the bad, with a ratio of 5 to 1.

This couple shares the secret to surviving 75 years together, “you have to speak each other’s language.”  What they mean is that you have to really listen to what the other person is saying.  Researchers agree that this one behavior is a driving force behind a lot of mental health issues in relationships.  The act of listening helps your partner feel supported, connected, understood and builds them up to be able to support you in return.

A younger man received similar advice from his father, and explains how this helped him understand that Marriage Isn’t for Him…  but rather it’s about making it the best possible experience for your partner.  I love the question from his wife and think that may also be helpful in my personal relationship – “What does it mean to love selflessly?”

Maybe you have figured out how to make your own relationship work.  These people write about the lessons learned during the first year of marriage.   Please share this with people who may benefit from these ideas, especially people living in these areas of high divorce rates.



The Sanctity of Marriage?

It’s really difficult for me to understand why people are so hell bent on fighting against marriage equality for same sex couples.  So God told them that marriage is “between a man an woman”.  Well, what does God say about divorce?  How about pre-marital sex, and adultery.  There is a religious rule against these activities, but there is not a legal prevention in the US law.  I think people should be able to believe as they wish on this issue; and not limit the rights of others because of their own beliefs.

Same Sex Marriage

Same Sex Marriage (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I know they wouldn’t want my beliefs about them enacted into law!

Couple Married 72 Years Die Holding Hands

Last week I learned the lyrics to one of my favorite songs is I will Follow You Into The Dark by Death Cab for Cutie.  Open this link to have the song play while you read a touching article about this loving couple.  Then listen to the song again and read the lyrics, if you don’t already know the lyrics.  …May we all find such a partner in life.

What is also funny to me, recently I was chatting with some aunts and uncles.  Somehow the discussion diverged into death and burial and cremation.  One of my aunts made a comment that if you mix the ashes of two people, it’s like Sex after Death.  …May we all find such a partner for the after life.