If Hate and Prejudice is Taught, then Love and Acceptance can be Taught too

Life Is Too Short

AM.jpg-25f11a2331401bc3747794c9315ffe28 It’s sad when people are so consumed by hate, that they don’t even recognize love.

In response to a group of religious fanatics carrying signs of hatred towards certain people, the yellow banner in this photo was created to give a positive alternative for people’s viewing.  After the pastor of the religious group passed away, protestors held up the white banner to offer their condolences for the baptist congregation.  Some of the church members are so filled with hate, they don’t even understand the meaning of the white banner and it’s significance.

If we can teach this level of hatred toward others that they would hold up signs of criticism in public, surely we must be able to teach an equal amount of love.  The yellow and white signs are the first step in that teaching.

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The Golden Rule – doesn’t really work for adults

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Sure when you are a kid, it makes sense that you want people to be nice to you, and so you should be nice to them.  But as we become adults and have specific preferences and desires, this is really bad advice.

For example, I’m not big on celebrating my Birthday.  To me it just like any other day.  I do have friends who care a lot about people making their birthday special.  So I should treat them as they want to be treated, not as I would prefer.  There are so many other examples.  When I’m angry or upset, I first go through a phase of wanting to be left alone.  Then after a bit, I just want to do something positive and get over whatever was bothering me.  That routine does not seem to match with the routine of many people around me.

So we have to learn to accommodate what other people want.  But many times people do not communicate what they need/want.  We can all improve our communication skills, and try to ask for what we want.  While at the same time, we should be mindful of what people ask.  If someone says they need space, or they don’t want to talk about it right then, respect their wishes.  Which came first, people not talking about what they need, or requests being ignored so that we decided it’s not worth asking?

A Successful Marriage

I wish I knew the recipe for a successful marriage.   Although I think the recipe is different for every couple, I have been collecting tips and ideas that may be common to all couples.

480304_10151037275888859_59169761_nThey research by Psychologist John Gottman on relationships shows that it’s okay for couples to fight, and that some disagreement can even be healthy.  The key is there must be enough positive interaction to outweigh the bad, with a ratio of 5 to 1.

This couple shares the secret to surviving 75 years together, “you have to speak each other’s language.”  What they mean is that you have to really listen to what the other person is saying.  Researchers agree that this one behavior is a driving force behind a lot of mental health issues in relationships.  The act of listening helps your partner feel supported, connected, understood and builds them up to be able to support you in return.

A younger man received similar advice from his father, and explains how this helped him understand that Marriage Isn’t for Him…  but rather it’s about making it the best possible experience for your partner.  I love the question from his wife and think that may also be helpful in my personal relationship – “What does it mean to love selflessly?”

Maybe you have figured out how to make your own relationship work.  These people write about the lessons learned during the first year of marriage.   Please share this with people who may benefit from these ideas, especially people living in these areas of high divorce rates.

 

Being Tardy – how much is okay?

How did it get to be okay to be late for everything?  Yes I’m one of those people who gets really annoyed when people are late.  Even for 5 minutes.  If we agree to meet at 7:00, I will try to arrive a little early out of respect for your time.  Why can’t others do the same?  While waiting I can spend time reading on my phone, or check Facebook.  But if people are going to be 10, 15, 30 minutes late or more, then I could have used that time for something productive.  Sure this may sound like Common Sense, but it’s not Common Practice.

being-on-time1I have friends who are notoriously late.  Sometimes and hour or more.  Know that I know this, I plan our meetings for situations where it does not matter if they are late.  For the people who are habitually late, it’s always something they didn’t expect to occur that caused them to be late.  Like this person who might have to respond to an email on the way to a meeting, etc.

I’m sorry, but it’s everyone’s responsibility to manage distractions.  The internet and cell phones provide instant access to people, which has resulted in the sense of immediate access.  We treat every situation as an emergency.  Maybe this immediate contact gives us a sense of being important and that we have to respond immediately in order to remain relevant.  But what is that doing to our ability to respect other people’s time by showing up at the agreed time?

I totally lose my cool when I’m running late.  Last night I was scheduled to present to a group of high school students.  I planned to arrive 15 min. early.  Traffic was worse than I have ever seen, and then the google map sent me to the wrong block on that street.  I arrived about 7 min late and was beyond frustrated.  Luckily, the organizers has people arrive 15 min early because of this Common Practice  in the US.

Love and Marriage…

first-date-worries-400x300Two really good talks about love and marriage:

Ester Perel gives a summary of her book Mating in Captivity, explains how in love we seek security but in romance we seek adventure.  How do we achieve both in one partner?  This is basically the theme of the story Anna Karenina, who struggles to be faithful to her loving husband or give is to her passionate lover.

Jenna McCarthy talks about some of the universal secrets of successful relationships.

 

This PBS documentary provides an interesting history of marriage.

Week of WordPress – A Life Worth Living

P1030553Another plentiful supple of posts, but just as worthwhile as the compassion list.   Thank you to all of these writers who spend the time to share with the world.  Even if it seems like no one is paying attention.  Sorry for the lengthy list, but there were just too many great posts!

Love

Nikkiko celebrates her anniversary with a lovely post about her relationship.  Ahhh, young love.

Better Than Reality shares a few of the 9 Habits or Healthy Relationships.

Kia talks about the loving ourselves, and the things we see with our hearts make life worth living.

Lara quotes John Green “Death Doesn’t Change Us, It Reveals Us.”  She has learned to cope with the loss of her best friend by becoming the person her friend believed she is.

Focus on the Positive

I am amazed and super impressed to find a post written in Pirate Speech (Sept 19 is talk like a pirate day) and also include this week’s search phrase.  Thank you Peekay’s Positive Thoughts for totally making my day!

My Blissful Journey writes about the difficulties when our thoughts take over our minds, I’m soooo guilty of over-analyzing.  I “liked” this post.  Psych+ gives a breakdown on how to reverse this negative thinking.  YOU are worth it.  These 10 tips from FashionAvenue4You also help get us on the right path.

I love this post from kindasad, while dealing with major uncertainty they are able to focus on the positive aspects of their life and “stop looking inwardly and start looking forward.”

Human Struggles

Dance of a Warrior describes dealing with breast cancer.

Narconon details an honest history of drug abuse.

Thought Catalogue describes a trying time of her life, struggling to be everything she thought she could for others.  I also love this post about the best 5 word sentences people might say to each other.  Imagine if we heard one of these sentences from someone each day?

I think we all can relate to Tuggle Struggle’s post about getting fit.  I battle the same challenges trying to manage my weight but loving too many bad foods.

Stan Jones’ Journal includes a moving description of the despair a person can suffer and the way to redemption.  I “liked” this post.

Rohit touches on one of my questions about happiness/sadness.  Can we really achieve happiness or are we programmed to a certain level with life events momentarily fluctuating happiness up and down?  This is a very sad post of a person in need of love. Jbird grew up addicted to negative thinking, resulting in serious consequences.  Lucky to still be alive, she is fighting to create a positive life worth living.

Missy Rogers is an essential for anyone dealing with suicidal thoughts, or bipolar disorder, or mental illness.  I “liked” this post.  Tanner Snider shares a post from Reinier Krol who also talks about depression.

Miss Fit has the perfect point of view on dealing with difficulties: There will always be a tomorrow until God wants you back, so make the most of it.  I “liked” this post.

Nancy Schimelpfening has a moving post about the right to suicide.  The attention on Stephen Hawking and his recent comments on the subject present an interesting juxtaposition.  For someone who has lost so much physically, but has maintained so much value and purpose in life, we have a lot to learn from him about taking the hand we’re dealt and making a life worth living.

How many of us associate our own value with the value of money?  White Apron is bluntly honest about the trap she fell into, and how it led to a destructive lifestyle.  What’s amazing, is her courage to confront the demons and pull herself out of the trap.

I never heard of Boarderline Personality Disorder before finding chloenoble89’s blog.

Surround Yourself with Amazing People

Sara Secrets lists several addicting feelings, feelings that make you feel good, and says that people who “genuinely listen” make life worth living.  I “liked” this post.

Epyk Health & Living shares that the people who make us smile are worth more attention and acknowledgement than we typically show.  So let’s stop wasting time arguing with those who do not enrich our lives.

Le has missed her best friend, a person brightens up her world.

Farah Colette writes this personal thank you to a friend Meryle.  She does this in order to boost her happiness level.  Studies have shown that one of the ways to be happier is to express your gratitude to people in your life, and a little secret about money.

Passion

Grow Up Novelist just started the blog to become a writer, after retiring from teaching it’s time for a new profession.  I wonder how long he can keep the secret from (his?) wife.

Filmeware presents the idea that art is an essential part of life, citing a study about rats activating their pleasure centers more than wanting food, it makes me wonder …  are artists all people who are addicted to pleasure?  If you like art, check out the paintings by Charlie Isoe on Mutant Space’s blog.  Or hear new live recording of Marc Broussard.

Labyrinth of a Psychotic Mind provides a great example of creating a life worth living.

Although we may feel sadness for Food (Love) tography after losing their grandmother yesterday, this post shows the joy of their relationship and we are happy for their strong connection and the time they shared together.  We’re also reminded “Spend time with our grandparents.”

Lauram Hennings writes a post that I identify well with.  What are the challenges with having a passionate personality?

#97 on the list of things every 20-something should know: Passion Makes Life Worth Living.  Plenty of people copied this list on their blogs, only some of them cited the source.  Adele explains how the list is overly sexist and a complete waste of time. Other disapproving bloggers: Angry Birds, My Food is Problematic, and Let It Be.

Tom Odell finds a life worth living in music, and I have to agree.

Is Lisa’s idea that creativity and play provides energy for the soul, true for everyone?

Connection to Others

At the Drop of a Mat expresses their gratitude for the world around them, and for all of those who read the blog.

I feel a strong connection to this post by Oh the Places You Will Go, why do we think there is “The One” person, a soul mate?  I too am looking for friendships, adventure, and memories.  I “liked” this post.

Only Sometimes Clever shares the lovestory of her stepfather and mother, while coping with the recent loss of each.  I love hearing about the inner workings of a successful relationship, thank you for sharing.

The Merna describes how serving others can bring us satisfaction and fulfillment as well.

Musings and Little Rants wonders, what prevents us from telling people we love how we feel.  So he writes a letter to a friend.

Adriana Miele copes with the loss of a close friend by finding new connections with people.

Even Crazy Dreams Come True gives the recipe for creating a life worth living.  I “liked” this post.

Danielle shares the lesson of learning to love, through the story of getting engaged and then calling of the wedding.

Rebecca Straley writes the post I might write on this topic, what makes life worth living, our connection to others and how we give and help those around us.

Julie Boyd made a stop motion video for the Australian group R U Ok.  Her post describes the video making process, and gives a little background on why this group is encouraging friends and family to stop and ask each other R U Ok?

I love how Stories, Thoughts, Ramblings finds the kindness of others that makes life worth living.  I “liked” this post.

Awareness in Action reconnects with past friends on Facebook.

Parenting

The Tao of Pig Pen humorously details his experience with the IVF process of procreation.

Parenting Uninspired writes a detailed apology to her 18 month old daughter, the struggles of life are just beginning and the forecast is full of future battles.

Many different blogs reference a UNESCO report on education.  Stephanie Smith gives us the breakdown of the report content.

Elizabeth Gomart gives some tips on how to organize life at home to accommodate the busy activity levels of families these days.

For fataltoprejudice, a visit to Lake Come makes life worth living.

Lovely World circles through the discussion, does happiness bring peace, or is peace needed in order to gain happiness?  I plan to appreciate each as they come along.

Philosophical – The Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living – Socrates

Sarah Halford gives a detailed explanation of Socratic Self-Examination and Philosophy Reaction Blog explains the three groups of dialogues of Plato and Socrates.

Three Cats and a Bunny describes why sometimes we have to stop examining life.  Congratulations on your first Triathalon!

If I was more philosophical, I could attempt to summarize this political letter of Guo Yushan, head of the Transition Institute in China which has now been banned.

The Existential Notebook is written in response to an existentialism class.  Again, another subject I do not understand well enough to summarize for you.  But I appreciate the movie recommendation, I love Samual L. Jackson characters and I’m curious to see what this play is all about.

Art: Music, Poetry, Film

Paddy Noble includes the poem I’m here!

The Musical Poet writes a poem about the things that make life worth living.

In the Moment made a cool stop-motion video for the song Paradise by Cold Play.

Calvin J Forbes starts of with a really cool picture, well a combination of 3 pictures and describes how he created it on his iPhone.  Then the post goes on to talk about how Jesus shows us a life worth living.

A beautiful poem shared by zealouso.

I have not seen the movie Warm Bodies, but Inthekan suggests that this movie presents a serious and comical analysis of what makes life worth living.

Miscellaneous

The Sceptical Technologist writes about what life may be like when we have human robots.  “Shallow uniformity is not an accident but a consequence of what Marxists optimistically call late capitalism.”  ~Nick Cohen, Cruel Britannia  I “liked” this post.

This Fitness Blog quotes Dean Karnazes to teach us how the value of pushing ourselves beyond our comfort zone.

Olivoancea has a collection of 100 fascinating quotes about life.

Cara Will Take Over has a great post about the risk of pushing ourselves too much, and maybe the answer is to keep things simple.  I love her writing throughout the post, she takes you along her train of thought, although it was a little distracting with the number of photo interruptions.  This post did not have a “like” option.

Sermons and Studies talks about serving God to make life worth living. A Woman Like Me includes getting to know Jesus in her ideal life.  Through This Window’s Eyes describes how knowing God has helped her, and includes a lovely poem.  Inkyfoot loves books, and among the recommendations in this post is one by Pastor Joseph Prince

Griffen Admin describes how reminding ourselves of al the good and joy in our life, we’ll be happy and not feel like we’re really working.

What is the Significance of Life includes profiles of three famous people, Adolf Hitler, Mohandas “Mahatma” Gandhi, and Jesus Christ.  I don’t know the reason for these three being grouped together as there is no analysis, but there are great detailed biographies of the last two characters.

Self-Connection Coaching talks about thinking big and small, and how growing too fast can be destructive.

Who are the Superhero’s living around you?  Geog 30 wonders if it’s better to be a good  person, or perform good deeds.

Brains Before Beauty reminds us that hatred is taught.

Are you optimistic about the future?  Management Ink talks about finding happiness in a sustainable world and links to an article from the World Future Review.

Lots of Believing reminds up to Stop Wishing.  Start Doing.  We all find it easy to criticize others, and sometimes we need to look inward.  Put some effort into those things we keep wishing we could accomplish.  I “liked” this post.

YOLO – my favorite phrase since it became popular last year.  It means, you only live once.  Basically, it reminds me to enjoy everyday, and not put off until tomorrow that which I can do today.  Planetvictorhui writes their first blog post of similar concepts, Congratulations on the new blog!

How many people think it’s easy to be beautiful?  The Cultivation of Beauty explains her personal experience and struggles with beauty.  I “liked” this post.

From Muddy Waters is learning to love Peruvian food while volunteering long term in that country.

Stop and Smell the Flowers

Last night, while reading a book for pleasure 🙂 an important life lesson was dropped in my lap.  This morning, a powerful endorsement of that message popped up on a friends Facebook page.  This one is not going to be easy to fix for me, and it’s going to take some serious time for me to learn how to even begin.

“One of the reasons for anxiety and depression in the high attainers is that they’re not having good relationships.  They’re busy making money and attending to themselves and that means that there’s less room in their lives for love and attention and caring and empathy and the things that truly count.” ~Daniel Pink in the book Drive

The Day I stopped saying “Hurry Up” article by Rachel Macy Stafford, although she writes this to her daughters, it can be true for friends, spouse, coworkers, etc.

How were you Compassionate Today?

Help! My Psychology class has an assignment to live one day as compassionately as possible. We are asked to define compassion, and if possible be compassionate to groups that we normally don’t consider or come in contact with.

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So, I would love your ideas to help me make the most of this experience. Just leave a note below with your thoughts:
1) How to define compassion.
2) Unique ways to behave compassionately, that we normally don’t think of.

I’ll post a summary of my experience for you all to see how your ideas came together.

Thank you everyone for helping me in this assignment, and for the time you spend to read this blog.