I definitely worry too much. Something in my brain makes me feel personally responsible for everything and want to work towards a solution. Sometimes this is helpful and sometimes this causes undue stress over something I cannot control.
But it’s funny how often everything just works out. In the end, looking back and as Steve Jobs would say in his Stamford commencement speech “connecting the dots” and seeing how events we felt were disruptive to our life resulted in a positive outcome.
I think of people who have children with a disability in this way. Like my brother Matt, who has always wanted children and always wanted the typical family life. When his first born was diagnosed with a sensory disorder that is in the autism family, and even though he was studying to be a nurse he would not accept the doctors diagnosis and remained in denial for about a year. This shattered my brother’s dream for a typical family with sons he could play sports with and do cool things with. In the past year and a half, special schooling and training has helped my nephew develop language skills so that he is nearly on par with his age-group, and we have watched him face his fears as he walks across those bouncy bridges on the playground saying “Just one step at a time.” As it turns out, I think my nephew is the perfect son for my brother. He gets excited about any sports team my brother loves, he says the funniest things that my brother teaches him, and just before his 4th Birthday he rode is first roller coaster and is super excited about going to Disneyland. It turns out the disability provided cherished characteristics. I imagine this nephew will always love his parents unconditionally, which is the essential part of Matt’s desire to be a parent.
My second brother Andy also has an amazing son who seems well suited to my brother’s personality. This nephew is not afraid of anything and loves playing outdoors and doing boy things. They go fishing, go to the Monster Truck show, love motorbikes and like my brother is super smart. I’m sure these characteristics will have their challenges, if not now then certainly in the teenager years. But it’s the best combination I can imagine for Andy.
It’s hard for me to rest assured that “everything will work out.” Watching the events in Syria, Iran, China, Sudan, Somalia etc. makes me wonder if this idea that “everything will work out” may not be universal.