I think a lot about love… About how we think of it, how we feel it. What gives us the feeling of love and what we are missing when we don’t feel love.
Watching a movie yesterday, The Beginners, there is a scene where the Oliver talks to his gay father’s younger lover and comments that he was jealous of the lover because his dad Loved Him, as if he felt more love for the boyfriend than for his own son. But the movie subtly portrays the acts of love that Oliver is not wise enough to interpret from his father. Just as the book the 5 Languages of Love points that that people give and receive love in one or more of 5 ways, we don’t always realize the ways someone expresses their love for us. My response to that particular scene was a reminder of how we confuse the emotions of Love and Happiness.
The movie itself is a realistic view of the process of love. How we meet someone and that elated feeling of happiness makes us think we are in love. And over time love can develop in a relationship, a deep authentic love, where we do what we think is best for the relationship even if we cannot get or give what we want. Well maybe I also confuse commitment in there too, in the conscience choice of dealing with the circumstances and making the most of the situation.
Love is a combination of so many things. But I feel very little about love relates to being happy. They are different emotions, sometimes experienced together. In our material society we like to give up and throw out the things that no longer make us happy, quickly moving on to the next best thing. But how can we do that with friends, loved ones, significant others, relationships?
People like to say that Ignorance is Bliss, and Love is Blind. But I don’t want to be so blind that I don’t understand love and therefor might accidentally throw love away, just because I don’t fully conceptualize all the components of love.