Being Caught Up by New Things

I’m fascinated about happiness, what makes people happy and how those things lose their ability to create additional happiness. Which makes me wonder “Are we really interested in something new?” I love change, I feel very stifled if I don’t have some sort of change in my life.

Some people say that in order for them to feel content in their relationship, they have to be “growing together.” I understand that feeling, although I have not mastered how to control or feed it. But I sometimes think I’m unsatisfied if my boyfriend and I are not actively working on a common goal together.

In the past, I have been able to achieve a lot of change. Changing grades in school, and changing schools every few years. As an adult I have moved apartments nearly every year. New groups of friends, new activities, etc. but now living in the same Metropolitan area for 9 years, keeping the same job for as long, dating my bf for 3 years, facing the idea of settling down and buying a house, I wonder “How long can I go without a major change in my life?”

I love the Boston area, I dread the idea of learning everything, and everyone, over again. I like a lot of aspects about my job, and it provides a long term career goal that I’m striving for, and few other companies have the same opportunity. Life is full of change, but I thrive on the excitement of something new.

I sometimes watch the classic movies, from the 30′s and 40′s.  It’s interesting that the simple plots, with a few song and dance routines, could were entertaining to a majority of men and women. So few of my peers find them entertaining now. Our standards have changed and we need something fresh to catch our attention. We can’t regurgitate the same fancies for each generation, we have to develop new ideas, new boy bands, new TV shows.

Is the search from something new outweighing the search to develop meaning?  Are we constantly chasing something new as meaningless entertainment without truly enriching our lives?

So Much Good in the World

Although it’s very sad to see the descriptions of the Boston victims such as “Heart of Gold”  and “She made everyone feel special”  this also makes me think, the reason so many good people get hurt in these tragedies is that there are so many more good people than bad.

Unexpected Answers

I feel constantly in search of an answer for “How to Be Happy”?  Some of the ideas I thought were answers:

• Fake it till you make it
• Find a deeper understanding for everything, the more we know about how behavior works the more we can control our emotions
• Happiness is relative, so keep reminding myself of how much worse my situation could be
• Happy people had a good childhood and they are able to carry that happiness throughout life
• It’s all in the brain, everyone’s brain is wired differently and some people are naturally more happy or more satisfied while others struggle to achieve happiness on a regular basis.  Some of these people have such dramatic brain issues that they need drugs to avoid harmful depression.
• Focus on the little things that bring me bits of joy, avoiding the bigger issues that limit deep and true happiness
• Keep making changes to keep life new and exciting, without finding a way to achieve happiness without those regular changes.

As it turns out, by trying to ignore the things that cause pain and misery, I also dulled the joys of life.  At least, that’s what I’m thinking now after watching this TED Talk by Brené Brown.

I have always been sensitive.  I cry very easily, and as a kid I hated being called a crybaby.  Now as an adult, I cry when sad, happy, angry, just about every emotion comes out in tears.  Which is hard for my boyfriend because it makes it harder for him to read my emotions.  I wish I didn’t cry so easily, and I really wish I could control it in public.

That is one of the reasons I have tried to limit my vulnerabilities.  If I am vulnerable, there is more potential for me to cry.  So I tried to cut out vulnerabilities, but that has probably had a severe effect on my relationships with friends, family, and my boyfriend.  By trying to be independent, and not rely on others, it’s been hard to form stronger bonds with people.

I would love to hear from others who think they may have similar experiences.

Can we learn about Human Behavior from Robots?

Absolutely!  In the 90′s people started making computer programs that will have conversations with people.  Some of the researchers enjoyed talking for hours with these programs, even though they knew the programs aren’t real.  What is described in these stories on an episode of Radiolab suggests that these programs were successful at addressing a basic human desire.

We all desire to be understood, by friends, partners, coworkers etc.  Listening to this podcast makes me wonder if these programs shed light on a secret to happiness.  How many people are frustrated with their relationships because of communication problems?  This goes beyond the 5 Languages of Love.  Would we be satisfied with an inanimate object to talk to?  And then would that allow us to be satisfied with our relationships as they are?

I wonder how this will be developed in the future, and if this characteristic will be a major factor toward people having robots at home.  What if we could purchase a Rosie the robot like the Jetsons had?  If furbies can bring comfort to children and the elderly, how might this technology be expanded in the future?

the Secret to Happiness?

I happen to catch this speech on the radio and a few phrases resonate with some ideas in my head lately:

“The fact that we’re all connected now is a blessing, not a curse.  We can solve many, many problems in the world as a result.  Not only is it an advantage that you all have, but it’s a responsibility.

All of these connections that you forge … are also not possible without you, without a heart.  …  But you cannot let technology rule you. … Take 1 hour a day and turn that thing off.

Take your eyes off that screen and look into the eyes of the person that you love. Alright.  Have a conversation, a real conversation with the friends that make you think, with the family who makes you laugh.  … Engage in the world around you, and feel, taste, and smell and hug what’s right there, right in front of you.

Friends (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Life is not about a friend count but about the friends who actually you can count on.  … Life is about who you love, how you live, it’s about who you travel with through the world, your family, you collaborators, your friends.  Life is a social experience first.  And the best aspects of that experience are not lonely ones, they’re spent in the company of others.

Now our modern landscape has changed, yes, but our humanity will always remain.  And that above all else makes us who we are.”

excerpted from Eric Schmidt, Commencement Speech for the 2012 Boston University Graduation

I have been thinking about how we treat each other and how we want to be treated by others.  Essentially, I think we’re all searching for acceptance.  We want to know that what we do matters to someone, has an impact on their lives, and makes them happy.  The best thing we can do for people is accept them for who they are (while helping them improve upon faults) and make them feel like they matter to us.

Another point of view on this topic is thinking about how we bring joy to others: TED Talk by Shawn Achor: The happy secret to better work  (related book How Full is Your Bucket?)

My friend Laura is such a nice person, and so great at paying attention to people and making them feel important.  She always remembers things I say, when I give a gift, the next time I see her she talks about using the gift or shows me how she has displayed the item.  Her ability to make everyone feel important amazes and inspires me.

I think the people who need this the most are often the ones least likely to receive it.  Or maybe the ones that receive it the least are the ones who really suffer from this missing element.  I guess we all need this treatment, in a sincere and constructive way.

• See a blog post about Finding Happiness by Somethingville.com
• Zoe Weil’s personal story of adult encouragement during her youth

Do Something Good for the World – Make Yourself Happy

You know how special things happen with we are feeling good?  Some days we wake up on the right side of the bed, or hear our favorite song on the way to work, something to put us in that Happy Mood.  While in that mood we are kind to other drivers, patient with our friends and loved ones, helpful to those in need, and receptive to the occurrence of additional uplifting events.  It’s almost like our positive mindset makes good things happen to us (but really it’s our positive mindset that allows us to recognize and appreciate the good things).  And then while in that happy mood we are more likely to pay it forward spreading cheer all around.  Have you seen the Liberty Mutual commercials where someone watches a stranger perform a good dead, then they perform a good dead for someone else?

So why not do the world a favor by doing something nice for ourselves each day?  Similar to the 29 Gifts idea, but doing a little something for ourselves to start the chain reaction (as long as it does not cause harm to others).

Unfortunately, negativity is more infectious than positivity.  Even more reason to keep ourselves in a happy mood.  If we are unhappy then we are even more likely to pass it on, or rather others are more likely to have their mood soured as a reaction to our negativity, so take care of yourself and contribute a positive impact to the world around you.  You know what is even more infectious than negativity?  Laughter, I love to tell little jokes or anecdotes to strangers, like the grocery cashier, to break up their day of hundreds of empty conversations with all the customers they serve.

Related Reading Material

• How to Lead by Example: Ten Rules for Living and Working
• 10 Personal Benefits to a Positive Attitude in the Workplace
• book How Full is Your Bucket?
• TED Talk Shawn Achor: The happy secret to better work